5 reasons why Mr Modi should be our next prime minister

The election fever is  rising in India and everybody who is anybody or who isn’t any body is coming up with his opinion on the outcome and who should be our next prime minister. 

We middle class urban Indians have so little entertainment either in form of cultural activities like music , drama , or literature or in form of sports that we have to always fall back on politics  to provide us with some escape from the drudgery of daily existence.

  ‘Me too’ was the dominant thought in my mind as I came up with my views on why should Mr Modi  be our next  prime minister. So here is a list of 5 reasons

1.       We have had prime ministers from  three regions of India . From  south we have had pouting P V Narsimha Rao and  dreaming  Deve Gouda , from north of course we have had a galaxy of stars starting from the original Mr Nehru  the swashbuckler  to Mr ABV the poet. We have even had someone from  east  or is it Northeast . Don’t be confused , I am referring to the present incumbent , the silent one , the great Mr MMS. Although he is facing  a sort of existential  dilemma. Is he from Northeast or is he from North like so many of his predecessors? Or at a deeper level is he the Prime minister?  Or at a still deeper level is he really there? Does he actually exist? Or is he  a figment of some one’s imagination  ? So there you are, that leaves only the western part of India unrepresented at the Prime ministerial office. We have only two heavyweights from West at present.   Mr Pawar with probably 2 MPs and Mr Modi with 200 ( according to predictions ) , apart from the fact that Mr Pawar has already  adopted a sort of  semiretirement mode.

2.       Mr Modi is a bachelor. How the hell does it make him suitable? According to his own words that makes him less likely to adopt corrupt means to  amass money as he has no one to bestow all the money  on! But that I think is a specious argument. What has family got to do with  having money. You can, after all,  spend a lot on yourself.  Besides, as everyone knows, being a bachelorette did not stop Ms Mayawati  or Ms Jayalalitha to amass hundreds of crores .  No , the reason why being a bachelor makes him more suitable is that he has a lot of unreleased  energy which he can put to use in a variety of other constructive activities.  Having no one to screw at home he can focus his attention exclusively on screwing the neighbours like China and Pakistan who had been buggering us for too long without any reciprocal action!!.

3.       He used to sell chai at railway station . This I think is the most potent  qualification for prime ministership.  Railways  is the only thing which binds all Indians together.  A railway compartment has for long being considered a mini India. Railways represent forward movement ! Combine it with chai , and you have encapsulated the essence of India. All of us  have at sometime woken up in a train compartment at the sound of chai , chaiya  so we all can readily identify with a chaiwala at railway platform. Which other aspirant can boast of such  solid credentials ? Mr Gandhi  has not yet started drinking tea as mommy says drinking tea is bad . It spoils the complexion  and is addicting. So he sticks to bournvita   which has all the essential vitamins for healthy physical and mental growth!  He will probably qualify after another 50 years or so when he would have started drinking tea. Mr Kejriwal probably drinks coffee and that too black as only that could be causing all the acidity and gas that he suffers from . And from the way he coughs these days he is probably drinking only 'adrak kali mirch  ka kadha '. God forbid if such a person becomes our PM. Toxic!! That leaves the field open for Mr Modi  with his solid, nice, thick, sweet and brown chai. The nector of life! The sweet ambrosia! The fountain of ideas! There is no match. Game set and match to Mr Modi ! He can walk away with the trophy and a brown cup of chai! Brown as is the skin colour of us Indians , unlike milk which is white and coffee which is black!

4.       You don’t need more reasons after the last one but still to complete the list and the fact I had committed myself to bringing up 5 reasons , here is the fourth.

Mr Modi wears half sleeve kurtas! That is unambiguous authoritative style of clothing where you are not confused whether you want to roll up the sleeves or keep them rolled down and all sorts of confused signals come from you. Like you are talking about women empowerment and you start rolling up your sleeve.  People get confused ! Are you  talking about women empowerment in a threatening  way? I mean your body language gets in the way of conveying the correct meaning of your words . The garments and the words are  permanently clashing and the result is a confused audience.  Half sleeve is unambiguous. It is also clean. You have no danger of dangling your sleeve in soup or dal or milk while dining. Imagine the reaction of a visiting foreign dignitary  if your PM comes and shakes hand with them with a dal stained full sleeve kurta! He will feel like wiping his hands with a sterile tissue after this! No , no this will not do. Half sleeve it must be for our future PM. Neither  can it be a muffler or a topi, which gives one a permanently suffering look!

5.       Finally the beard! The full , covering the whole face kind which Mr Modi sports and which gives the mature and philosophical look . It is also decisive and unambiguous unlike Mr Gandhi who sometimes has a stubble   and sometimes is clean shaven with dimple and all. Not sure what one wants! I mean you either have a beard or don’t have it. Why this dithering?  It appears  as if you are trying to put on a mature and old look but are too much of a wimp to go the whole hog!  Halfway there you develop cold feet and scamper back and shave the stubble off. Too much indecision!  Or take Mr Kejeriwal  . What is the meaning of the moustache? It is neither here nor there!. If you want to be an anarchist you bloody well grow a full beard! Why stop halfway? Is he a halfway anarchist? Make up your mind. The nation is waiting!! Meanwhile the only person with the solid well trimmed and unambiguous facial growth is Mr Modi! So there you have it.

There you have five substantial reasons why Mr Modi should be our next PM. Next I will think of 5 reasons why he must not be the next PM. Actually you can twist the same reasons to argue in the opposite direction   . And that sums up the essence  of how the political debates go in our country!