The election fever is
rising in India and everybody who is anybody or who isn’t any body is
coming up with his opinion on the outcome and who should be our next prime
minister.
We middle class urban Indians have so little entertainment
either in form of cultural activities like music , drama , or literature or in
form of sports that we have to always fall back on politics to provide us with some escape from the
drudgery of daily existence.
‘Me too’ was the dominant thought in my mind
as I came up with my views on why should Mr Modi be our next
prime minister. So here is a list of 5 reasons
1.
We have had prime ministers from three regions of India . From south we have had pouting P V Narsimha Rao
and dreaming Deve Gouda , from north of course we have had
a galaxy of stars starting from the original Mr Nehru the swashbuckler to Mr ABV the poet. We have even had someone
from east or is it Northeast . Don’t be confused , I am
referring to the present incumbent , the silent one , the great Mr MMS.
Although he is facing a sort of
existential dilemma. Is he from
Northeast or is he from North like so many of his predecessors? Or at a deeper
level is he the Prime minister? Or at a
still deeper level is he really there? Does he actually exist? Or is he a figment of some one’s imagination ? So there you are, that leaves only the
western part of India unrepresented at the Prime ministerial office. We have only
two heavyweights from West at present. Mr Pawar with probably 2 MPs and Mr Modi with
200 ( according to predictions ) , apart from the fact that Mr Pawar has
already adopted a sort of semiretirement mode.
2.
Mr Modi is a bachelor. How the hell does it make
him suitable? According to his own words that makes him less likely to adopt
corrupt means to amass money as he has
no one to bestow all the money on! But
that I think is a specious argument. What has family got to do with having money. You can, after all, spend a lot
on yourself. Besides, as everyone knows, being a
bachelorette did not stop Ms Mayawati or
Ms Jayalalitha to amass hundreds of crores .
No , the reason why being a bachelor makes him more suitable is that he
has a lot of unreleased energy which he
can put to use in a variety of other constructive activities. Having
no one to screw at home he can focus his attention exclusively on screwing the
neighbours like China and Pakistan who had been buggering us for too long
without any reciprocal action!!.
3.
He used to sell chai at railway station . This I
think is the most potent qualification
for prime ministership. Railways is the only thing which binds all Indians
together. A railway compartment has for
long being considered a mini India. Railways represent forward movement !
Combine it with chai , and you have encapsulated the essence of India. All of
us have at sometime woken up in a train
compartment at the sound of chai , chaiya
so we all can readily identify with a chaiwala at railway platform.
Which other aspirant can boast of such
solid credentials ? Mr Gandhi has
not yet started drinking tea as mommy says drinking tea is bad . It spoils the
complexion and is addicting. So he
sticks to bournvita which has all the
essential vitamins for healthy physical and mental growth! He will probably qualify after another 50
years or so when he would have started drinking tea. Mr Kejriwal probably
drinks coffee and that too black as only that could be causing all the acidity
and gas that he suffers from . And from the way he coughs these days he is
probably drinking only 'adrak kali mirch ka kadha '. God forbid if such a person becomes our PM. Toxic!! That leaves the field open for Mr
Modi with his solid, nice, thick, sweet
and brown chai. The nector of life! The sweet ambrosia! The fountain of ideas!
There is no match. Game set and match to Mr Modi ! He can walk away with the
trophy and a brown cup of chai! Brown as is the skin colour of us Indians ,
unlike milk which is white and coffee which is black!
4.
You don’t need more reasons after the last one
but still to complete the list and the fact I had committed myself to bringing
up 5 reasons , here is the fourth.
Mr Modi wears half sleeve kurtas! That is
unambiguous authoritative style of clothing where you are not confused whether
you want to roll up the sleeves or keep them rolled down and all sorts of
confused signals come from you. Like you are talking about women empowerment
and you start rolling up your sleeve.
People get confused ! Are you talking about women empowerment in a
threatening way? I mean your body
language gets in the way of conveying the correct meaning of your words . The
garments and the words are permanently
clashing and the result is a confused audience.
Half sleeve is unambiguous. It is also clean. You have no danger of
dangling your sleeve in soup or dal or milk while dining. Imagine the reaction
of a visiting foreign dignitary if your
PM comes and shakes hand with them with a dal stained full sleeve kurta! He
will feel like wiping his hands with a sterile tissue after this! No , no this
will not do. Half sleeve it must be for our future PM. Neither can it be a muffler
or a topi, which gives one a permanently suffering look!
5.
Finally the beard! The full , covering the whole
face kind which Mr Modi sports and which gives the mature and philosophical
look . It is also decisive and unambiguous unlike Mr Gandhi who sometimes has a
stubble and sometimes is clean shaven
with dimple and all. Not sure what one wants! I mean you either have a beard or
don’t have it. Why this dithering? It
appears as if you are trying to put on a
mature and old look but are too much of a wimp to go the whole hog! Halfway there you develop cold feet and
scamper back and shave the stubble off. Too much indecision! Or take Mr Kejeriwal . What is the meaning of the moustache? It is
neither here nor there!. If you want to be an anarchist you bloody well grow a
full beard! Why stop halfway? Is he a halfway anarchist? Make up your mind. The
nation is waiting!! Meanwhile the only person with the solid well trimmed and
unambiguous facial growth is Mr Modi! So there you have it.
There you have five substantial
reasons why Mr Modi should be our next PM. Next I will think of 5 reasons why
he must not be the next PM. Actually you can twist the same reasons to argue in
the opposite direction . And that sums
up the essence of how the political
debates go in our country!
